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He was aware of his despicableness and hated it. It is true that he himself continued to take irresponsible bad moves, but it was also an undeniable fact that he was able to avoid the worst many times because of his irresponsibility. That's why he could escape from everything, but he couldn't just escape from irresponsibility.And he decided to take on all the sins of his companions so that he would be killed before he crossed the line.